I Can Think of a Scarier Movie

Instead of Snakes on a Plane...how about Babies on a Plane? Imagine, an entire plane full of babies....and then you would be imagining my life! I swear, I hate hate hate flying on planes with babies. It makes me want to down my whole pill pack at one time. I'm tired of these mother f*&king babies on this mother f*&king plane!

So, I am going to take another blogging hiatus for about two weeks. Just wanted to let you all know so you don't keep reading the title of this post over and over when you open my blog. Since I know my blog is the most super exciting thing ever and you read it every day religiously.

Soooo....time for some New Year's resolutions again. Just for shits and giggles, I looked up my resolutions from last year to find out if I am a failure or not. They were:

Be punctual: A valiant effort

Save more money: Check

Floss daily: Check

Make a budget & keep better track of finances: Half check

Don't stress too much: I'm only human

So what are my resolutions this year, you ask? How can you further perfect perfection? See below:

Stop cursing like a sailor, it's kinda white trash (don't want to be the next Britney).

Stop caring so much, let people fuck up their lives if they want to (the swearing thing doesn't start until 1/1 so fuck, fuck, fuck, and fuck: gotta get it all out of my system now)

Keep my big mouth shut (opinions are like assholes, everybody has them and they all stink. people probably don't want my opinions, so from now on I am keeping them to myself)

Start weight training again

Be punctual (I swear, one day I will overcome my genetics and become a punctual person)

Stop using snooze

Escargot

Well, I don't know how it happened, but all of a sudden my aquarium has been overrun by snails. There are seriously like 100 of them. A while back, I noticed 2 snails. They must have gotten busy like no other, because now there are so many I was scraping them off of the walls yesterday. I didn't even buy snails. There must have been a couple eggs or something that got in the net with one of the fish I bought. AND one of my fish has a fungus infection. Sigh. He just got over having ick! Is there no end? Now I have to find out how to get rid of this annoying overpopulation of snails. Oh man, I just read something online that suggested I just pull some out every day. Cripes. I better go to the pet store, stat.

Yesterday I was reading Jane magazine while I was at the salon. I absolutely love that magazine. It is so funny because it is really sarcastic. There was an article that talked about this guy that did a study (based on standardized tests) that said men are smarter than women. Well, I guess that depends on whether you think standardized tests are an accurate scale on which to measure intelligence. So, I guess a bunch of men think this is the greatest thing ever. HOWEVER, the same man also did a study that showed that male brain size, and therefore intelligence, is inversely related to penis size. You got it ladies, the smarter he is, the smaller the package. So, do we think this dude doing the studies might be a few clowns short of a circus? Hmmm. The men can't very well say they agree with one of his studies and not the other. And, for that matter, my girlfriends have definitely dated some really dumb guys that also had really small penises.

Ameicans Doin' the Nasty

Guess what? There was a study about Americans getting it on....and 95% have had premarital sex. Note: you have to take into account that the institute that performed the study is opposed to government-funded abstinence-only programs (which are fruitless efforts, but hey, they're trying). So it could be biased. But at the same time...95%! That's a lot. I mean, try to think of one person that you know that hasn't had permarital sex? And also, it isn't premarital if you never plan to marry the person. Ha ha. And guess what? People were humping like rabbits even back in the 1940s, they just didn't talk about it. So much for the "trade your hymen for a diamond" idea. Hmmmm.

Grumpy

Oh man. I am not in a good mood today at all. I am so tired, I have been fighting to stay awake all day. I cannot wait until Friday and I get to go home. I am going to sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. And when I am not sleeping I plan to be drinking. I had so much trouble falling asleep last night, I was so frustrated. Then my cat decided to meow outside my door and be annoying. I almost killed him. Well, I really don't have anything exciting to talk about.

The Neverending Hangover

I decided to make up for the week of working so hard in Dallas all in one night. We had such a good time though. At one point Joe and I were dancing in the middle of the living room together. It was just us, everyone else was looking at us like we were idiots. :o) So, what do you do stupid when you have had a few? I talk way too much, and say the same things over and over. I am sure it is tons of fun for other people. One night, I kept telling Joe over and over that I wanted to order pizza when we got back home. Ha ha. He was like OKAY! We can order a damn pizza, just shut up!! The last two days I have been sick as a dog. I can't hang with the big girls anymore. Saturday I pretty much didn't move all day. I laid on the couch with my cat watching t.v. Saturday night I had the absolute worst stomachache. It was so bad, my stomach was actually sore the next day. It still doesn't feel 100% normal.

Last night I stayed up way too late wrapping gifts. But I wanted to get it done because I didn't want to have to think about it anymore. I have to do laundry like mad tonight to get ready to go to Michigan on Friday! Yay!! I am SO excited! Only 4 days left! It is going to be a fun week, too. Joe and I are celebrating Christmas with his family early since we'll be in Detroit Rock City. Yay for two Christmases! I hope they all like the gifts that I got them. :o)

Have you ever seen the movie Life Is Beautiful (La Vita e Bella)? It was on t.v. on Saturday when I was nursing my hangover. It is originally in Italian. It was about a Jewish family that gets sent to a concentration camp during WWII. To help his son (about 3 years old) survive and deal with the horrors of life in a concentration camp, the father convinces him that it is really an elaborate game they are playing to win an amazing prize. It is just crazy to really see the concentration camps portrayed on t.v. The monstrosity of the Holocaust is just too awful to comprehend.

Okay, call me Debbie Downer.

This'll Mess You Up for a Day

Have you ever seen the movie Boys Don't Cry? I watched it the other day and it totally messed me up for like 2 days. It is based on a true story. Hilary Swank won an Academy Award for the movie. It's about a girl named Teena Brandon that is going through a sexual identity crisis. She cuts her hair, dresses like a boy, and charms all of the girls. Then it comes out that she is actually a girl, and everybody freaks out and goes nuts. It was a really good movie, but seriously messed up. I couldn't believe how much Hilary Swank actually looked and acted like a boy in the movie. For your benefit, I have included photos below. They are all of Hilary Swank. You gotta watch this movie!

Don't Mess With Texas

Welllllll....I'm in the home state of our beloved President this week! Let me say that I have only known a couple people from Texas. One of them is one of my best friends, and the other is a complete idiot that cheated on his girlfriend with me in college. So, does that mean they cancel each other out? I guess so. The people I work with out here are pretty cool, though. Although today I almost drove out into oncoming traffic because I was SO BORED all day sitting in a briefing. I could not fall asleep last night for the life of me, but let me tell you, it was a fight to the finish to stay awake today at work. I don't understand how people can just sit there, look at powerpoint slides, and listen to someone talk at them all day (for nine f*&#ing hours!!) and STAY AWAKE! Seriously, what is the secret?

I really want to go work out right now, but a stomachache is really putting a kink in the plans. It kind of stinks that I really don't know this area very well, because I want to go running outside. It was 70 degrees today. I was in such a good mood on the way back to my hotel from work. But I can't run outside because I don't know if I am in the ghetto or not, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I am. My hotel is awesome, though, so I don't really get it.

That Makes Me Laugh Ha Ha HAAAAAAAA

It makes me laugh really hard every time I get something in the mail from the University of Michigan asking me for donations. Are they kidding? They already have over 30 thousand of my dollars. Over thirty thousand dollars of which I am going to be paying off for 20 years (not to mention all of the bleeping parking tickets I got while I was there). Maybe after 20 years, if I am feeling generous, I'll send them a dollar or something.

I got all of my Christmas shopping done yesterday! I was so proud of myself. I went shopping with Jessie all day. Then, when I got home I ordered everything for my family on the internet and had it shipped to my Michigan house. Yay! I only have two things left to buy: one thing for my sweet sister and a gift card for my Uncle and his wifey. Yay! The bad news is, I spent ALL of my money. I even dipped into my savings quite a bit because I am paranoid about overdrawing my checking account. I hate paying unnecessary fees for overdrawing. It really annoys the crap out of me. So, I can't buy anything for the rest of the month if I want to be able to pay rent when it comes around again. Isn't that sad? I am going to be eating those freezer burned hamburgers that have been in my refrigerator for months. Yum.

The most annoying thing happened to me and Joe on Sunday. When we woke up we realized that his car had been towed because we forgot to move it to a visitor's parking spot. It was $125 to get it back! Isn't that so crazy!? We were soooooo ticked. We were going to go out Saturday night, but at the last minute we changed our minds. And we both totally forgot that he had parked in a regular spot and his car needed to be moved. How annoying is that?

I Love Amy Poehler

Find Your Christmas Elf Name

My Christmas Elf name is Lucky Sugar Socks.


What's yours?

Thanks Shauna! :o)

I Just Want to Sleep

I am so tired. Man, happy hour takes a lot out of you. It was lots of fun though! Yay! :o) Did I mention I am tired? I really don't have anything exciting to talk about at all today. So, here are some pictures of my adorable kitty. Have a nice weekend!

Art Class 101

Well I have had an exciting day at work. I am decorating the door in Charlie Brown theme for the holiday door decorating contest. Yay. It's been fun. It has also been fun not doing any work. :o)

I don't really have much to talk about today. Joe and I went to the Lockheed Martin holiday party last night and it was nice. We got a caricature of us together and it is really funny. I'll post a pic as soon as I get my freakin' camera back!

I can't wait until tomorrow because I finally get PAID and can start Christmas shopping! I am starting to get nervous because I haven't bought any presents yet. I haven't even sent out cards. Oh man. It's going to be a busy weekend. The good thing is, I get to do 90% of my shopping online because I have to get it shipped to Michigan anyway. :o)

Late Night, Tired, Weird Mood

Last night was a late night. Joe and I decorated the tree and it is really pretty. If I ever get my camera back from getting fixed I will post some pictures.

I'm in a weird mood today. And I'm tired.

Yesterday when I left work they were doing bag inspections. My bra was right on top. It was great. I'm so glad everyone in security probably knows what my bras look like now.

And This Little Piggy Went "Wee Wee Wee" All the Way Home

I love shoes. I really do. I love cute shoes, even when they hurt my feet. I will not, however, consider getting my pinky toe surgically removed in order to more comfortably wear designer shoes (the fact that I couldn't afford designer shoes anyway is a non-issue in this case). I was talking to a friend last week and she told me that people are actually having their pinky toes surgically REMOVED in order to more comfortably wear their fancy-shmancy shoes. Can you believe that?!

Last weekend was so much fun. I went out to dinner with Joe and his parents on Friday. Saturday we went to a bar in D.C. and Joe and I danced all night. Joe is such an amazing dancer, I love it. We had soooooo much fun. Sunday we went to the Virgina Tech vs. GWU basketball game with his family. It was fun, but I was really hungover and tired. Oh! And we went and got our Christmas tree on Sunday morning! It is so beautiful. We are decorating it tonight. I am really excited about it! :o) And yes, Zach has already tried eating it a million times. I'll post pics as soon as I have some! :o)

This is Kind of Cool

Roses

I Have the Best Boyfriend in the Whole World!! :o)

Joe bought me two dozen roses yesterday for no reason!!! :o) I swear, I am the luckiest woman alive. I was so suprised, happy, and excited that I almost started crying right when he walked in my door. They are so beautiful and they smell amazing. I don't have a pic of the flowers at the moment because I am at work right now....but they are the most gorgeous roses I have ever seen. I love him!! :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)