Monday, December 31, 2007

I will never understand these stories

Question, how do you NOT know you are pregnant and then give birth in a McDonald's toilet?

How? Click here.

I can't believe tomorrow is going to be 2008!!

Why do I keep making new year's resolutions? Ha ha. Last year these were my resolutions:

  • Stop cursing like a sailor
  • Stop caring so much, let people fuck up their lives if they want to
  • Keep my big mouth shut (keep my opinions to myself)
  • Start weight training again
  • Be punctual
  • Stop using snooze

Well, I have cut down on the cursing a lot. You know, the next two I decided to look at as fun personality quirks. So, those are out the window. I did start weight training again, I have become more punctual (although not all the time, I will admit), and damnit I still use snooze like crazy.

How about keeping it simple this year?

  • Stop using snooze
  • Floss every day

Those are totally do-able.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Thanks That Was Fun

Man I love two day work weeks. It's already Friday. :) Love it!

It is so quiet at work you could hear a pin drop. Nobody is around. I don't mind; I like the peace and quiet, honestly. The only problem is that I have questions and nobody is around to answer them. Oh well. I guess I can ask Monday.

I think I am actually going to stay in tonight. I know, wierd right? I am so exhausted and I have felt tired from a cold, so I think it might do me some good to just get some rest. I took some Tylenol cold medicine this morning and I've been feeling loopy ever since. I feel like I can't focus.

Last night I ran and it was the greatest feeling ever. I really prefer to run outside but considering it is hella cold I opted for the treadmill. Plus it gets dark too early now. Oh my God, it felt so good to run and have a runner's high afterwards. I missed it while I was home. My mom is talking about buying an elliptical for the house; if she does I will be so happy I can do something besides jump rope while I am there. My calves still want to fall off!

This post is reall long and rambling so I shall bid you adieu.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

So Glad to be Back

Ugh. So glad to be back in DC. I loooove going to visit friends and family, but I feel totally out of whack when I am there. I don't have a gym to go to, I don't have a car, and all I do is lay around like a lump all day every day and eat a million times. I swear I think I gained like 10 pounds in the last six days. I only worked out 3 of the 6 days that I was there - I felt like a sloth. Plus eating to the point of discomfort....not a good combination. To work out, I just jumped rope and did push ups and stuff in the basement. I'm glad to be back in DC so I can feel normal. I cannot wait to go to the gym today. I did have a really fun time while I was there though. It was so great to see all of my girls and my family and spend time with them.

Last night I had the most annoying experience at the airport on the way back here. My plane landed at like 7:30 p.m., and I didn't end up getting back to my apartment until like 9:45 p.m. (I only live like 20 minutes away!). I waited 45 minutes at that stupid baggage carousel for my luggage to come out. Ugh. I was about to go crazy. When I finally gave up waiting and sat down to read my book, out came my bag. Ah, the irony! There were about 10 other annoying things that happened but I'm not going to go into it.

I had such a great Christmas, but I must say that I am really glad that the holidays are over. I got a lot of really great gifts and I love them all. :) Well, except for New Year's Eve, which is just fun and partying like I do every weekend anyway. The only difference is that I get paid on the day that I will be nursing my hangover! Hah!

Oh and I forgot to say what my new book club book is! It's Wonderful Tonight by Pattie Boyd. She was married to George Harrison of the Beatles, and also to Eric Clapton. The songs "Wonderful Tonight," "Layla," (Eric Clapton) and "Something" (The Beatles) were all inspired by her. I really like the book so far. I just started reading it 2 days ago and I am already 3/4 of the way through it! Then again, I was sitting on my butt reading all day for the last 2 days!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

3 Good Arguments

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked gospel.
3. He didn't get a fair trial.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with his meals.
3. He used olive oil.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was a always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But finally, there were 3 good arguments that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was still work to do.

Friday, December 21, 2007


According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known ONLY a woman would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Thank God It's Friday

Last day of work. Woo hoo! Last day of work!! For the next 6 days! Woo hoo! I am soooo happy!

Well, I finished my Christmas shopping last night. What a relief. I hate it. Mainly because I really like to think of thoughtful gifts to get for people, but that is a lot of pressure when you have to buy for many people at once. Birthdays are so much better. I guess it is self inflicted pressure though. Oh well.

I don't know what is up with my cat lately but he has been acting like such a little shit and it is making me crazy. He ate another pair of my underwear. He's been chewing up the toilet paper almost every day, and barfed on the couch. He ate one of my scrunchi's the other day and pooped it out on the floor. It was disgusting. This morning (like most mornings) he meowed outside my door and woke me up. I have no sympathy for him meowing outside my door because if he didn't eat clothing I wouldn't have to lock him out! Ugh. How did I manage to adopt the most annoying cat that ever lived?!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Only One Day Left!!

Only one day left and then I get to go visit my girls and my family! Weeeee!!! I am so excited. We're having a cookie bake on Friday night, and Saturday night I am going to Toledo to celebrate my sister's birthday (it is the 21st). Sunday we are going to go snowboarding. I am really pumped about that. I didn't go last year at all, and I am anxious to give it a try again even though I totally suck at it. Then Monday is Christmas Eve, which means my mom is making a really big, yummy dinner. Then - DUH - Tuesday is Christmas which means PRESENTS!!! I can't wait! I really hope my mom got me some fuzzy boots!! I've been dying for them!

Tomorrow is going to be super fun too, because Alice is having a Christmas Party! It should be a blast. We are having a white elephant gift exchange and I bought a really funny gift. I can't wait to get dressed up and everything. Yay! Hopefully my work day goes fast tomorrow.

Today I have been really killing time and trying to get the day to go by faster. I get to go get my hair done tonight and then I have a few Christmas presents left that I have to pick up. I already know what I am getting though so it should only take a few minutes. Last night, Christmas shopping went okay but I didn't end up heading to the mall until 8:30 because I had to work out, eat dinner, etc. before I went there. So I ended up staying at the mall until 10 o'clock. Needless to say I was totally exhausted by the time I got home. But I was really happy to get it done!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Back to the Old Grind

Back to work. Ho hum. Back to work. Ho hum.

At least it is already Tuesday. Yesterday seemed to fly by and I got a lot done at work, so that was good. People are slowly starting to trickle out of the office this week for holiday travels, so it is pretty quiet around here. I don't mind. This morning I didn't get my lazy butt out of bed until 8 o'clock, so that means I will be staying here pretty late tonight. Then I have to hopefully finish my Christmas shopping tonight. I have it all planned out so it will go smoothly. :) Cuz I have some other stuff to do tonight besides that. And tomorrow I get to go get my hair done!! Woo hoo!!!

Nothing much to talk about today......


Final Confession

Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side. She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest."

"But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father."

"Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"

Friday, December 14, 2007

Jackie Elfed Us!

Click here!

Master Procrastinator

Ugh. Don't feel like doing work today. This has been the most unmotivated week yet. I think it's because I didn't go to sleep early enough, ever. I did take my car in for service this week though, so at least I have the sense of accomplishment from that. Weeeee!

Well, I punked out and decided to take a half day of vacation today because I just couldn't stand the thought of being here for a whole eight hours. Aren't I a wuss? C'mon, I have a lot to do after work. I'm very important. I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

So, I'm outie at 12:15, and on my way to an exciting weekend! :) Woo hoo! :) Final note, I did my Christmas cards last night and I decided that they are the biggest pain in the ass ever, and I am seriously considering not sending any out next year. And Christmas shopping is seriously stressing me out!!!!!! Bah humbug!

This pic was on Cute Overload and I thought it was so cute I had to post it myself. Will you look at that belly!?!?!?!?!?

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Nothing Much to Say

I can't believe it is already Thursday. It seems again like this week flew by. Whew. This week I have unfortunately not worked any extra hours so that means - yes - I have to work a full day tomorrow. Bummer. Oh well, I was really busy this week.

Hmm well, hence the title, I really don't have anything to talk about so how about a picture, and then a joke? ...isn't it cuuuuuuuttttteee!? That's what Zach does! :)

Okay, a joke...

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response.

Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him" she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband. "Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Interesting Observation

I have talked to a lot of people lately about starting new relationships, and about half of people have told me that it takes them a long time to really like someone and fall for them, and the other half have told me that they usually fall for someone really fast. Both sides think that the other is better.

So, what do you do? Take forever or fall really fast? And do you think the other is better?

On another note, I decided that I despise Christmas shopping. Bah humbug.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


My tuition reimbursement got denied because apparently they changed the form that has to be filled out and I didn't know. Grr. Not a big deal to fix, but is is pretty annoying and I better get my money before I get charged interest on my credit card! Grr!

Last weekend was soooo fun! I watched The Soup for about 5 million hours because it is the best show ever! I love it; it makes me laugh soooo hard every time I watch it. Best show ever. Saturday, Alice and I went to a comedy show at DC Improv and it was hilarious as well! We had so much fun. Afterwards we went to Lucky Bar in DC and danced our booties off. We met up with a bunch a people and it was so much fun. Then we went to IHOP - the best breakfast place ever in the whole world. It was a good night to say the least.

Sunday I nursed my hangover all day and then I had some friends over for dinner. It was good, and lots of fun. I love cooking for people! I never thought I would EVER say that! Ha ha!

Today I really don't want to be at work, do not feel motivated at all, and really just want to go home and curl up in bed and sleep all day. That would be so nice. It is rainy and cold and those are the perfect days to spend in bed. Sigh.

Friday, December 07, 2007

That Is Messed Up

Who would think that this was a good idea? Giving rhinoceros poop to someone? I mean, I guess I can think of a few people that probably deserve it, or that I would really like to give it to, but sheesh.

I am really boring today and don't have anything to talk about. I got to work at 8:30 and have been watching the clock ever since. Ugh. This day seems to be dragging. And every other day seemed to fly by this week! Wtf?

Last night I got some really really good sleep and it was amazing. I was totally exhausted from staying up drinking too late on Wednesday night. I felt like a zombie all day yesterday. I still went to the gym and worked out though. I was very proud of myself. Jessi designed a new workout program for us that uses an exercise ball in each thing we do. There are nine different exercises. Let me tell you, my abs seriously want to die afterwards and feel totally ripped for like 4 days. It is awesome. Then we went shopping for a bit and then I went home. It was a good day.

Do you watch CSI? It is pretty much the only show that I will loyally watch, and day'um it was really good last night! It got pretty racy!

Okay I have nothing else exciting to talk about so I shall bid you adieu. Have a fun weekend! :)

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

No, no! You don't get it at all! I mean "Jingle Bells." You know, Santa Claus and ho-ho-ho, and mistletoe and presents to pretty girls!!

We got our first snow today (it started last night)! I'm riding out this excitement, because by tomorrow I will probably want it all to go away! It's still in the pretty phase right now!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Traffic on the way to work today pretty much sucked because, as I have said many times before, the second one snowflake even threatens to fall around here, everyone freaks out, drives off the road, and every school and business closes. It's pretty amazing. There isn't even that much snow and I was told that people were spinning out all over the place. Sheesh.

For some reason I am soooooo in the mood for some martinis tonight. Ugh. I really wanted one at lunch but that is obviously not a good idea considering I had to come back to work. I'm guessing that that is a no-no. Plus who can concentrate at that point? Although I will say that sometimes when I am drinking things do become painfully clear and obvious. Ha ha.

I thought this was cute:

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Busy Day

Man I have been busy today! My brain feels like it is going to explode. I have seriously been working really hard all day. I can't wait to go to the gym and burn off some steam.

One thing I did notice is that my stress level has seriously gone down SO MUCH since I have moved to this new building. It is so much better, and I am so much more relaxed and happy here. I just really didn't realize how stressed I was before until I got here. Whew. It is nice. And I really like my new cube! Weeeeeeeeee!

Well, not much exciting to talk how about a joke!?

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady walked slowly to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walked between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

Monday, December 03, 2007

Book Club was the Bizzzoooooomb!

OMG last night I had my first book club meeting and it was so awesome! We had tons of amazing food and drinks (and all ate until we wanted to explode). We had pita pizzas, gingerbread cookies, fondue, spinach-artichoke dip, chicken marsala, bean dip & pita chips, etc etc. We probably had enough food for like 10 people. We talked for like 5 hours. I'm not kidding. Everyone got there around 5 and didn't leave until 10. We didn't talk about the book for the entire time but we did talk about it for a good two hours or so. It was awesome. I am so glad that I started it. I found a website that has book club guides with questions and stuff and the questions for our book were really good. Woot woot! We are going to pick our next book by the end of this week. Oh and we are reading the Five Love Languages as a side one too. Ha ha.

I can't believe it is Monday. I realized that the reason I get depressed on Sunday nights is because I have to get up and go to work on Monday, and the weekend is over. Bummer. Considering this is something that I am going to have to deal with for, oh, the rest of my life, I figure I better get over it. Ha ha.

This week I have decided that I am going to try extra hard to work 9 hours every day so that I can have a half day on Friday. Try? There is no try. It's do, or do not. I'm gonna do it, darn it!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Oh and I found a Five Love Languages quiz here.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Captain Obvious Works for the Geek Squad at Best Buy!

Okay so my computer is on the fritz, the fan isn't really working anymore. So it will get hot and turn off randomly. Great. So I took it to the Geek Squad guys in Best Buy and they are idiots. I'm sorry, but they are. Is their job to fix computers? I thought it was. Okay, so I just have to have the fan replaced. Should be simple, right? Everything else works. The guy that helped me first said that it might not be that, it might be the motherboard and blah blah. I was like, okay, well isn't that what you do, find out what is wrong with computers you fucking moron? So then he said they would have to send it out...and that wold be 90 bucks to start. To replace the fan would be like a hunderd or so, but if it is something more than it could be more. Duh. Then he said it would be better for me to buy a new computer. I was like, yeah, I bet it would you jackass. Then he said, oh and another problem I noticed, your computer doesn't even turn on when it isn't plugged in. I was like OH MY GOD THAT IS SO PROFOUND I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I HAVEN'T NOTICED THAT! Um, yeah, I use it every day so don't you think I noticed that the battery is a p.o.s.? I'm not an idiot!

Needless to say, I told the idiot that I was going to take it somewhere else and thanks for nothing fucker. I'm going to get the fan from compaq and do it my damn self, so there!

Oh and do you know the definition of a geek?

geek Slang. –noun
1.a peculiar or otherwise dislikable person, esp. one who is perceived to be overly intellectual.
2.a computer expert or enthusiast (a term of pride as self-reference, but often considered offensive when used by outsiders.)
3.a carnival performer who performs sensationally morbid or disgusting acts, as biting off the head of a live chicken.